First let me start out with a little background and state that I was born and raised a Mormon in Provo, Utah. I loved my childhood and still do. I have wonderful memories of everything including the church I grew up in. Everyone I knew went to church except for a neighbor who was Catholic and some "unsavory" salesmen who worked for my dad. I never really thought about whether the church was true or false, it didn't matter. EVERYONE went to church in because in Provo, Utah in the 50's and 60's, it was more than just church, it was our culture and way of life. It still is for most Mormons especially there. It wasn't till I was an adult that questions about it's actual teachings came to my mind but again, as when I was a child thinking about whether or not Santa was real, I pushed these doubts out of the way. I really didn't care to know, we just went to church and like when I was young, my own kids followed me to church and saw their friends and that was enough.....for awhile.

While I was growing up in the Mormon Church, I heard all of the same standard stories about Joseph Smith, the history of the church, the Book of Mormon and it's origins, and even the Bible.......uncontroversial and simple tales of heros and brave deeds done for the Lord. I never even read the Bible or the Book of Mormon except for an occasional scripture, until a few years ago......when I did I was shocked into learning more. Most Mormons unless they are very fervent, do not really study their church (Mormons are really kept too busy with church callings, kids, and cooking with food storage do study much) in fact, they are directly forbidden to read controversial literature about it and can be excommunicated for subscribing to and hanging out with anti-Mormon individuals. Most Mormons, and I say this with experience because I have friends and family who are Mormon, do not know anything in detail about their religion and it's history in the similar way that most Christians or Catholics do not know a lot about the Bible and it's origins. They just know the fun little diddies they learn in Sunday School and they go because their parents did.

So when the unanswered questions I had could no longer go unanswered, I decided first to read everything I could get my hands on about the Mormon church and it's history and then do the same with the Bible. What I found out about both not only shocked me, it ASTOUNDED me!!! Really, the Joseph Smith story and his tall tales were stretch of the imagination, such a profound hoax, and such a fraud, I was stunned. I read about it's leaders and the lies they perpetrated. I read about the manipulation of the members and the impossible basis for their stories. When I talked with other Mormons they had no idea either and they did not WANT to know. So, after having the "house of cards" tumble down around me in regards to my childhood religion, I decided to then focus on the Bible and it's history. Again, the idiocy, cruelty, horror, and impossibility of the Bible was stunning. The lack on credentials, lack of sources, lack of known authors and lack of archeological findings made it, the Bible, even a somewhat bigger hoax than the idiocy of the Book of Mormon because is affected so many people for so many years. Millions have died down theough the ages because of a warped fairy tale.

I tried to keep my knowledge and beliefs about this new information from my parentss who as strict Mormons, would have been devistated but it eventually had to come to a head. My mom point blank asked me how I felt and told me she wanted the truth. I told her and from then on, the relationship with my parents was never the same. They moved away from here 2 years later and amoung the reasons of finding a job and being closer to other family, another reasons was given that "they no longer had anything in common with us because the gospel was their whole life." We love each other still and always will but the elephant is in the living room and while we try and ignore it, we can't completely. I left the church and they will forever be upset about it. In fact, no matter how happy I am or how successful I ever become, not going to church in their eyes, makes me less a person and more the devil's minion.

I will always feel a melancholy when I pass a Mormon church. I had wonderful times there as a child. I miss the feelings of belonging to a great big "club" and the closeness of the members. I guess one of the good things about religion is the togetherness aspect. Unfortunately when you combine that with false teachings, lies, tall tales, feeling superior over others, and a warped view of the world it all gets muddied up together. It's like the time I finally found out Santa was really mom and dad, Christmas was never the same. Oh, you could pretend you still believed in Santa, open presents, and enjoy the holiday but the magic of believing was gone and it would never be the same. Once you know the truth about religion, the magic is gone and you can go and pretend but, it is never the same either.

I understand why people down theough the ages concocted these tales. They had no science to base their knowledge of the world on. Also, banding together with a similar belief system helped they all survive and protect each other. I feel though, that as a species it is time to move to the next level and away from the fairy tales of our early ansestors but most people are not ready to let the crutch go.

In the words of the late Carl Sagan: "For me, it is far better to grasp the Universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring."

So, even though losing my religion was a shocking journey, it has been a satisfying one. People ask me why I would be more relieved to believe that the tales of heaven and hell are impossible and that in reality when we die it is the final journey? Actually, I do not know it is the final journey. No one does(regardless of how many people have a near death experience and see a tunnel of light) I do know that I find it more comforting to know that if I screw up (which as a human being I do) or if I fail to heed some idiotic rule or ritual, I will not end up in a lake of fire or tortured forever by demons. I also find it comforting to know that if I continue to lead a decent life I will not be subjected to a heaven with naked cherubs flying around and being trapped singing God's praises for eternity......come to think of it, I 'll take the lake of fire.

So for this journey I will focus on my childhood religion, The Mormons. To do that, I will start at the beginning, Joseph Smith in Part 2

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